Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires

I realized a few days ago that I haven't been keeping up with this blog like I originally intended. WHOPS! I am right around one more month to go, but I honestly haven't been keeping track! Which is a very good thing because I guess I see it as more of a good thing than something I can't wait to end.

These past few weeks have been a little tough, but I have also learned a TON. I have a new perspective that has been a complete blessing. However, I have been feeling a little lonely without the physical comfort of someone and I even told a friend the other night that I wish God could give us hugs! But then we came to the conclusion that if God was physically here, we wouldn't even want to get married and there would be no need for romantic relationships. It's hard having the desire to be taken care of or wanting to feel wanted and having someone that actually loves you back. The whole idea of having someone love you back is just amazing! Someone cares about you so much that they LOVE you. You matter soo much to a person. It's taken a long time for me to realize that God thinks all of those things of me. I have known these things for a while, but do I actually feel it? Do I truly believe it? Do I have the faith that God will take care of me and that I am worth enough that the all powerful creator the originator of love loves me? I have to remind myself everyday. "Jesus love me this I know.." (to go with my dorm theme).. no really. He does. And when someone loves another of course they will do anything they can to make sure that person is taken care of. How many girls need to hear that? So many girls come to OCC with the idea that they are going to get married in a year or two. With all the jokes like OCC Bridal College, or getting the MRS degree, or "ring by spring".. it's kind of hard not to think of falling in love and searching for the "one" all the time. But there is one. There is that love. God is that love and he is the only "one" who can take fully care of all of our needs. His word can comfort us and we have a relationship with him when we talk to him. We show love back when we serve or strive to be Christlike. Now that I think about it, we seem to have things backwards. We have all the love we need and we don't need to search for anything else. We shouldn't be struggling to love God and actively and easily fall in love with another, we already have God's love and he will bring that other love to us in His time.

It was a gorgeous night out last week and I felt a twinge in my heart when I realized I had no one to take a romantic walk with. So, I decided I would share it with God. He did, after all, make that night so beautiful and maybe he did it because he knew I would appreciate it. So I grabbed my iPod, put some acoustic guitar on repeat, bible in hand, I went over to a table outside and began to read the most romantic book I could think of. The Song of Solomon. It may seem cheesy and, yes, most of us probably don't really get what's going on in it, but I tried to look at it as what love should be like. Solomon and his lover were so poetic in describing their love for one another. The purity, the thankfulness, the joy in their love is something that I desire. They constantly say "do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." How opposite that is from our culture's view of love today! We search for love and if we are attracted to someone we pursue it until it's ours. Kind of selfish don't ya think? It's like we don't think God can bring along that special person. We have to hunt it out for ourselves. I know that I want a love like the one described in Song of Solomon, so I'm not settling for anything less. If you haven't read it, try and read the book from the perspective of someone peeking at love letters. Letters of the right kind of love. It might change how you see things.

One more month honestly seems like forever sometimes, but what am I so antsy to get to? God MIGHT have that right relationship start at the end of my 60 days, but how do I know? I know I'm not settling until he gives me the right relationship so I know I'm not pursuing anyone. Realistically, I should be looking at this as a vacation. A vacation where I don't have to worry, even though I might, about boys. I shouldn't want this to end until I'm ready.